My second poem

[Big brotheR]

I thought a lot before sharing this weird, one-line poem with others.But I guess it is time that it is published.


Sex Wars ago i was burn.

P.S. when i first thought of the idea that has been hovering and buzzing in my head for ages the first impression was

Six wars ago, I was born.

but i finally decided to produce and consider the defaced version. That was one reason why I said i have to get it out-- lest should i produce a total nonsense!!!

what is your impression

[Johnderondon]

I prefer the original version.

"Six wars ago I was born."

The adulterated version is too confusing for me (or perhaps over my head:) ).

[auguries of innoc]

I do not know Big Brother but the first one is more expressive, I think it suggests that the generation nowadays is a product of sex and war. for the generation in this time is more opened to ways that can get them to know such things, and they witnessed alot of wars until they, sex and wars, the parents of this generation. but the pronoun I would make you reconsider such a thought because the second version expresses it more. I do not know what do you think

[Big brotheR]

i like your comments

auguries, you touched a nerve on the theme. can you explain more?? i notice the effects of dr. akram's style in your critique!!

well done

[auguries of innoc]

well I meant that the first version 'sex wars ago, I was born' made me think that the pronoun I is actualy the nowadays genaration that have a very wild and free nonsupervised access to things like sex. Beside that they have witnessed many wars like the war in Iraq, Afganistan, Palestine, Sudan, Somal, and the spoken political war between Iran and the USA. so due to growing up in such atomosphere, the recent generation is the son or the product of the corruption of adulterer, and crises of wars
Don't you agree

and as for the influence of Dr Akram it must be showen because he is a great teacher

[Eng. Sameer]

nither this nor that.
i though in another vertion:
six wars ago i was burn.

[auguries of innoc]

Nice one semsem can also serve the idea don't you think

in all cases the product will be suffering and pain. but in the first one, it suggest something new. the product of secularism
Don't you agree

[alla*]

Sex Wars ago i was burn.

is that the poem ???????

u make a modification for that
Six wars ago, I was born.

walla
i liked the first one "Six wars ago, I was born."
don't know
but r u serious about the final version
r u satidfied ?
don't think so
coz the original is much more powerful than the final one , at least for me

plz rethink about it

[Big brotheR]

the original is, to me, straightforward. Maybe A I got some of what i tried to convey

[Big brotheR]

moh?

[_romeo_]

original version is better
Sex wars ago i was burn

and there is big difference btw original and the sexond one

original one has a pun and
also "i" is a small letter which gives a lot of meaning rather than capital letter. Maybe, "i" it means how cruel world is and how the human beaing is without dignity and in the end he is not respected. "Sex" I don't know what exactly it means, there is a pun coz sex and war, they both stand for corruption, or you ment Six as a time persiond?!

[alla*]

wow

i like the comment above
the recent generation is the son or the product of the corruption of adulterer, and crises of wars

but 4 me
the first one is more related to us
the first thing when u mention that u r a palestinian
is that u witnessed many wars 1987 till 2008-2009
so six wars ago , i was born
that's my life

[Big brotheR]

good romeo, but i am not telling you what i meant

[_romeo_]

as I tried to encode it I concluded this

in the time of corruption where legal became illegal (Adultery), and where million of people died without reason (wars), I as a one of human beings whose dignity doesn't worth anything was born and burnt with the sins of the real world.


you are also using present simple with WAS >>> you are trying to conquer English grammar??

[Mo7amed]

as it's one-line poem! i would prefer the seconed i mean the defaced version " sex wars ago, i was burn "

the first is also expressive, but it would be better to be just a title and u complete it. that's to say we may have another stages of life of u!

[alla*]

u know
thinking of that line "sex wars ago , i was burn "
seems good
u achieved 2 things
u r referring back to the first part of the world which is emersed in the bloody "war"
and the other part emersed in the bloody "sex"
so u are commenting not only on one issue but on 2 critical issued ehich affect the course of life


but why u change born to burn ?
may be u r saying that we are not born , coz er are not living the real life with these two main crisis
"born"seems not an appropriate stage in this bad life,but "burn" is very appropriare
good

[Big brotheR]

good thinking dudes

[Big brotheR]

good thinking dudes

[alla*]

we are just ur students

[Big brotheR]

we are just ur students

not that i donot learn from you myself.

[_romeo_]

something attracts me about word "sex" not coz it has a bad meaning among people, like word "gay" which ment happy and now it turned to be ment as a profanity.
Maybe, "sex" and "six" are the same in the meaning in the former line. Today, people listen number six as sex and they start to laugh at teacher who says number six.

(just my opinion)

[alla*]

u mean the corruption reaches everything even language ????
good

[_romeo_]

yep, well partly yes. Maybe English is corrupted language from the first .... and it is the most talked language in the world so it corrupted everything ....

(ohh, I love literature, I feel free when I study it ..no boundaries)

[alla*]

language and colonialism

[Matrix]

Maybe, "sex" and "six" are the same in the meaning in the former line. Today, people listen number six as sex and they start to laugh at teacher who says number six.

kk.. dude I've read all ofurs comments !

but i don't know if u catched BB bird or not !!

b4 i comment there is a question arises!

to acertin extent can u balance between six and sex without having any idea about the theme ??

another question do u think BB want to deface the words or the world in his poem ?

i need ur answer coZ i wanna be sure about wut my fingers print !

[_romeo_]

well, till now we don't know what is the theme and what Mr.BB wants to say

but really, this sentence has no line of meanings that go in my head now.

can you balance btw sex and six without knowing the theme? don't know, but is seems difficult.

say anything .... you will not fall in a trap buddy ....

[Matrix]

can you balance btw sex and six without knowing the theme? don't know, but is seems difficult.

say anything .... you will not fall in a trap buddy ....

aha Barhoom !!

u r right ! I think i've to wait !!

but I think it's better - if and only if - he talks about the life after war or the war reversals ... to say !

Since the war .. I was born

but if he want to talk about the life destructions and temptations or seductions it's not suitable..

kk..dude add my email coZ i want to have a jaw with u ..

[Sameeha]

Sex Wars ago i was burn.




what is your impression


My first impression was there's a sense of craziness here

I may have gotten the idea from the first version, but the final version attracted my attention more.

There's like no punctuation marks, so that could mean distortion

the i is not capitalized, so there's little stress on I, I mean self, individuals have no self identity maybe.

The only words capitalized are those Sex and War, massive corruption, lost generations, and destruction.

and the meaning could be a combination of all these connotations.

Can I read the comments, now??

[alla*]

i reread the line again

but still need to know ur idea

i need to know how poets think of their poems
or
we are the readers who give them meanings ??

[Big brotheR]

well. i am now a mere reader