auguries of innoc
07-19-2006, 08:56 PM
this is a short story I wrote to a writting combitition. I realy realy need your advice and what you think about it
Dreams come true
So afraid was Lara Froid, while she was walking in an endless dark street, that she could see nothing and all what she could hear were only varied screams that made her body shake to death. She kept walking until she saw a spot of light coming from a far place.
She didn't have any weapon except her inner will; a voice from inside her gave her the hope of survival. So she ran as fast as she could till she reached that light.
"Oh god, that's unbelievable, I'm in heaven "she said while she was walking around the place. There were flowers, trees, and a sea," there's something strange, the sea, the flowers, the trees the sand, every thing is red, why?" she thought, but she could not find the answer, she walked to the beach. Suddenly the silence was broken by a laugh, she turned around but no body was there, and another laugh, that time she recognized that the voice is of a child, she heard something hitting the red water, from that direction, she heard the child calling "come in, come in mommy". she was too amazed to recognize who is calling her. And there was no answer for her considerable amazement except a terrified scream which was so loud that the other towns would hear it. she stepped twice inside water, and stopped. The Water seemed as if somebody beating it so hard, another call "mommy help, please mommy help" that was the last words for the child, his fighting to survive seemed endless.
Lara could not see any thing except hearing and seeing water crashing as if it were a war between it and something invisible. She felt weak, sad and despaired; she collapsed, then the child screamed "ahhhhhhhhhhhhh" and she woke up. She opened her eyes to find herself in her room, lying with nobody but her fear, the whole atmosphere outside was frightening. The sky was so angry that made the tears of the clouds fell, and the thunder scream.
Lara sat there in her bed crying while recalling the dream; she thought "why, why do I keep dreaming like this". She could not sleep again, all what she could do was watching the drops of the rain.
It was two months in hill, which Lara went through. The dream did not stop, Lara tried every thing to stop it; she visited all the famous doctors, and she changed all details in her life but in vain. She kept dreaming the same dream every time she falls a sleep at the end of the month she neither could sleep nor eat, she couldn't do any thing.
Eventually she couldn't stand it any more; she went to the coast with that little thought that drove her while she was diving in water with her eyes closed.
Suddenly she heard a laugh; she opened her eyes to see the most beautiful child she has ever seen. He was laughing and running innocently, and then he ran to water, calling "come in, come in mommy". Lara stood there frozen to death; she thought the dream was recalling itself on. She closed her eyes; she put her hands over her ears to stop it she shouted "no, no, no" but when she opened her eyes; she found that the dream was not over, she stared at the child who swam deeply in water. She tried to warn him but she couldn't; her tongue was frozen .Suddenly the child screamed "mommy, help please mommy help"
She saw a woman running towards the beach, then when she turned around she saw a big shark coming towards the child, the shark opened its mouth, and the child screamed "ahhhhhhhhhhhhh" the color of the sea changed into red; then every thing was quiet.
All what Lara remembered was that she faint, when she woke up she found her self in the hospital. After one week, she returned to her house so tired that she falls asleep, and again she was on a plane going somewhere in the dark, Will Lara finish with this disturbing matter??????
Dreams come true
So afraid was Lara Froid, while she was walking in an endless dark street, that she could see nothing and all what she could hear were only varied screams that made her body shake to death. She kept walking until she saw a spot of light coming from a far place.
She didn't have any weapon except her inner will; a voice from inside her gave her the hope of survival. So she ran as fast as she could till she reached that light.
"Oh god, that's unbelievable, I'm in heaven "she said while she was walking around the place. There were flowers, trees, and a sea," there's something strange, the sea, the flowers, the trees the sand, every thing is red, why?" she thought, but she could not find the answer, she walked to the beach. Suddenly the silence was broken by a laugh, she turned around but no body was there, and another laugh, that time she recognized that the voice is of a child, she heard something hitting the red water, from that direction, she heard the child calling "come in, come in mommy". she was too amazed to recognize who is calling her. And there was no answer for her considerable amazement except a terrified scream which was so loud that the other towns would hear it. she stepped twice inside water, and stopped. The Water seemed as if somebody beating it so hard, another call "mommy help, please mommy help" that was the last words for the child, his fighting to survive seemed endless.
Lara could not see any thing except hearing and seeing water crashing as if it were a war between it and something invisible. She felt weak, sad and despaired; she collapsed, then the child screamed "ahhhhhhhhhhhhh" and she woke up. She opened her eyes to find herself in her room, lying with nobody but her fear, the whole atmosphere outside was frightening. The sky was so angry that made the tears of the clouds fell, and the thunder scream.
Lara sat there in her bed crying while recalling the dream; she thought "why, why do I keep dreaming like this". She could not sleep again, all what she could do was watching the drops of the rain.
It was two months in hill, which Lara went through. The dream did not stop, Lara tried every thing to stop it; she visited all the famous doctors, and she changed all details in her life but in vain. She kept dreaming the same dream every time she falls a sleep at the end of the month she neither could sleep nor eat, she couldn't do any thing.
Eventually she couldn't stand it any more; she went to the coast with that little thought that drove her while she was diving in water with her eyes closed.
Suddenly she heard a laugh; she opened her eyes to see the most beautiful child she has ever seen. He was laughing and running innocently, and then he ran to water, calling "come in, come in mommy". Lara stood there frozen to death; she thought the dream was recalling itself on. She closed her eyes; she put her hands over her ears to stop it she shouted "no, no, no" but when she opened her eyes; she found that the dream was not over, she stared at the child who swam deeply in water. She tried to warn him but she couldn't; her tongue was frozen .Suddenly the child screamed "mommy, help please mommy help"
She saw a woman running towards the beach, then when she turned around she saw a big shark coming towards the child, the shark opened its mouth, and the child screamed "ahhhhhhhhhhhhh" the color of the sea changed into red; then every thing was quiet.
All what Lara remembered was that she faint, when she woke up she found her self in the hospital. After one week, she returned to her house so tired that she falls asleep, and again she was on a plane going somewhere in the dark, Will Lara finish with this disturbing matter??????